Pizza- Riley’s favorite food. I wonder what he was doing with that fork. Surely he wasn’t bothering with a fork to eat his pizza. We were at a big slice pizza place at the beach in San Diego on vacation. Riley was in heaven with that big ol piece of pizza as big as his plate. Pizza! Yum! When we saw this picture, we talked about going back to the pizza place to show them it. For sure they would want it hanging on their wall for an advertisement of their restaurant. Look at that face! What a cute kid he was! I mean who wouldn’t melt just looking at this picture? Wouldn’t they want a piece of pizza too?

Those were the days that Riley wore his Superman cape, baseball hat and cowboy boots daily. He also had pajamas with capes attached to them. I can see him now dressed in his pajamas running through the house with wide long strides. His arms swinging with his small hands tight in a fist while his cape was flowing behind him. He would stand on the couch with his hands resting on his hips, chest pushed out, looking around the room for anyone in distress to save in his imaginary world. Then in a sudden move, he would leap off the couch and go running as fast as he could across the room looking back to make sure his cape was flowing. Riley moved from one Superhero to the next. He had a Batman year. He had a Superman time and he also had a Spiderman time in his life. Oh, I love him. I wish his Superhero powers could have saved him from his fate that day.

From the stories told to me, Riley, even as a teen, was often looking for those in distress to save. Many times he approached someone who was crying, even strangers. The stories are of situations in which he took the hurt and the pain away by Riley being Riley. He was unique, creative, sincere. He took the time to talk. He gave away smiles. He gave hugs. He caused laughter. He saved lives.

It has been 10 months today since Riley died. I’d like to say it gets easier, it doesn’t. I seem to get better at diverting my thoughts in order to survive/function each day. Yet sometimes remembering a Riley moment hits me and throws me to the ground. At those times, I have to lay there and take it, accept it, feel it and wash myself in tears for a while. It is survival of the fittest to handle the grief of losing a child. Some days I do it better than others.

Pizza is how we celebrated with Riley. Most of his birthday dinners, by his choice, involved pizza. We had pizza when he got his letter of acceptance to NAU. There were too many times to count that we bought pizza for his friends who gathered at our house to watch movies or swim in our backyard. In that same backyard, some of those friends gathered and smoked weed when we weren’t there. It’s just weed they say. Everyone does it. What’s laced in the weed? Where did it come from? Is it synthetic? Are you sure? It’s not just taking acid that is like playing Russian roulette. How many stay at just smoking weed? How many go and try something else? That’s what I want to know.

Riley wanted to try something else. His first try of acid killed him. Riley was an extraordinary human being that made a difference in many lives by being Riley while he was alive. I can only hope that he can help others through the story of his death so that they won’t die too. Drugs kill whether it is in addiction that many didn’t plan on and then can’t shed or by getting a bad batch of something or the wrong mix of drugs or the unknown drug that they didn’t know they were taking or a drug causing death by violence or an accident to themselves or someone else. The stories are vast and too many.

Riley, my pizza lovin’ son who was a blessing for many by still being a superhero til the day he died would say it’s not worth it.

I Love You, Riley.